Sunday, June 03, 2012

ENGLAND 1 - BELGIUM 0 - PRESS REACTION TO THE GAME

The press appear ambivalent about Roy Hodgson's England side after their 1-0 victory against Wembley yesterday.
Expectation is low, but none the less Roy can boast an unbeaten record going into the Euros with two solid, if uninspired, victories.
The Sun is perhaps the most unsure about Roy - but can't stop itself being optimistic. Their report opens that no one will be scared playing England after these performances, but that you couldn't fault the work rate or defensive solidity off the ball that will surely give them a chance.
The Guardian is upbeat, claiming the victories have been solid and that the squad should feel positive going into the Euros after another victory.
Perhaps most telling is Uncle Roy's summary, who admits we worked hard defensively but were uninspired offensively. It's good when your manager sees what you see. Roy and England have enough to get out of the group stage, yes?

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Saturday, June 02, 2012

ENGLAND V BELGIUM - LIVE WITH EURO CUP RANTER

LIVE ACTION FROM THE ENGLAND V BELGIUM GAME AT WEMBLEY. PLEASE REFRESH THIS PAGE FOR THE LATEST NEWS.

19.07 94 minutes of hard working average football. That should get us to the final 8, can't see much further than that. I like the attitude. Hard to beat maybe?

19.06 A break by Lukaku is judged offside with the final seconds ticking down. Belgium could consider luck wasn't on their side, but they weren't great.

19.03 An England break ends with Defoe and Walcott combining with a Defoe shot, off target. Theo has looked ok, but England look unthreatening.

18.57 Still England 1-0 up with six minutes to play. England get a corner from nothing.

18.55 Henderson comes on for Gerrard. Let's hope we don't hear that too often this summer, unless it's because we are 5-0 up.

18.54 On 81 minutes, quick feet by Walcott create a chance for Defoe. A sharp shot comes back off the inside of the post, and Belgium clear. Unlucky.

18.53 Lescott is back on with a headband and clean shirt. The game is opening up in the last ten minutes. Two shots from Belgium are either blocked or wide.

18.52 With 13 minutes to go, Gilet puts one wide of Joe Hart from 20 yards, and it clips the outside of the post and goes wide. An escape for England. Hart looks ruffled at present.

18.49 The bloke who looks a bit like Adebayor, Lukaku, has a chance but his shot is blocked. Lescott looks like he has been in a car accident after a collision. There is blood everywhere. It's like the 9th minute of an episode of casualty. I hope he's ok.

18.47 Defoe breaks, cuts it back, but cannot find Gerrard's run. England looking a bit brighter, but control on the ball and passing are still little better than average.

18.46 Hazard has looked average today. Somewhere between Nasri and Paul Dixon.

18.43 It's been comfortable for England but because they've worked hard and not given Belgium any time on the ball. However, there is a distinct lack of composure on the ball and the calm of Lampard or Barry is missing from the mix. Mertens is replaced by someone who looks a bit like Adebayor but isn't.

 18.42 John Terry apparently carrying a knock and is brought off on 70 minutes. Jagielka replaces him.

18.39. With 25 minutes to go, Young is brought off for Defoe, while Walcott replaces Oxade Chamberlain after a bright but ultimately unimpressive debut.

18.37 Nothing much happened for half an hour. Rooney is on for Welbeck. Dull.

18.02 Everyone wants the half time whistle, including me. AND HERE IT IS. AT HALF TIME ENGLAND 1 BELIGIUM 0. We have no experts in the studio, no video, no replays. SEE YOU IN 20 MINUTES AFTER A WEE AND STUFF.

17.58 Wellbeck breaks well from half way, but hogs the ball and is finally tackled in the box. But I think he's having a good game. Cole and Fellaini clash, with the ref and assistant ref discussing punishment. The Wembley band plays H-A-P-P-Y and all is well here right now. England break again, Gerrard has two shots blocked, Vermaelen doing well.

17.55 Five minutes to half time and I fancy a snack. 1-0 England.

17.51 GOAL!!! Danny Welbeck breaks and latches on to a great pass slotted through the defence by Ashley Young. Calmly lifts it over the keeper.

Great work, not a convincing game so far, but that should settle some nerves.

17.44 Scott Parker is booked for a lunging silly tackle. Then Ashley Cole fouls Eden Hazard. The free kick was rubbish, England break, but it falls apart with a foul on the half way line. A free kick for a foul on Ashley Young.

17.42 Who knew Fellaini played for Belgium. Whatever next? A bit like when Graham Le Saux played for England. Normandy chancer.

17.41 We cut to a view of David Beckham, sitting near Peter Shilton. Compared to Peter, David's head is tiny, like it has been shrunken by Posh in an evil witch ceremony. It is however normal size.

17.38 The Belgian bloke had a really good shot, just wide.

17.32 Cahill and Hart collide protecting the ball from a Belgian attacker. Cahill winded and wounded, Joe Hart looks on like a worried big brother. Cahil looking a bit embarassed. Julian Lescott stripping off. It's all getting a bit fruity. Lescott replaces Cahill.

17.29 Wellbeck makes a good run and loses Vermaelen, he pulls it back for the Ox from about 25 yards and while the shot is sweetly struck is goes like a rocket high above the bar. It would have been a great conversion.

17.27 Belgium look like they could break down the England defence is they just improve their short passing a little. England getting impatient, and Ashley Young drifts offside.

17.22 The ball is pulled back from the right wing and Oxlade Chamberlain scuffs it like a David Beckham penalty kick and the ball sort of flops over the bar like a bad tennis shot.

17.20 Belgium's attack breaks down. Then England's game breaks down. Hazard looks lively.

17.17  Wembley is noisy, and in a positive mood. Wellbeck chases a clearance. Nothing happens.

17.12 Steven Gerrard has his 'I've poo'd my pants' face on again

17.10 The referee is called Rasmussen. No sign if he is related to the great Greenlandic explorer.

17.07 David Beckham is in the audience sporting a new trim. Bobby Charlton sitting next to him has the same hair as always.

17.05 There are some royal lookalikes in the crowd, including a Queen with a crown.

16.59 I've arrived at the sofa. Here are the sides  - for England a 4-3-3 formation, no Andy Carroll, and this looks like Roy's 'need a win' formation. We get to see Eden Hazard, Chelsea's new talent.

England: Hart, Johnson, Cahill, Terry, Cole, Milner, Parker, Gerrard, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Young, Welbeck. Subs: Green, Jones, Baines, Lescott, Jagielka, Henderson, Downing, Defoe, Rooney,
Carroll, Walcott, Butland.

Belgium: Mignolet, Guillaume Gillet, Kompany, Vermaelen, Vertonghen, Hazard, Fellaini, Witsel, Mertens, Mirallas, Dembele. Subs: Renard, Simons, De Camargo, Pocognoli, Chadli, Benteke, Vossen, Lukaku, Odoi, Nainggolan, De Ceulaer, Defour.

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ROY HODGSON GLEE AS EURO CUP RANTER ARRIVES FOR 2012

Roy Hodgson was a picture of joy today after hearing the news that Euro Cup Ranter would be covering the 2012 European Football Championships. "Up yours Ranter," Roy told us when we rang him up in the middle of the night and asked him if his hair hero was Patrick from EastEnders.
"The rumours that I use curlers to maintain my impeccable hair style are untrue," said Roy, audibly groggy, and trying to keep his voice down so as not to wake the wife. "It is true I visit a traditional Jamaican barber."
We rang late at night because of Roy's owl ancestry - everyone knows the animals operate best at night, but it appears Hodgson's human traits are also strong parts of his make-up. "Of course I was fucking asleep, it's 3-45am!" he exclaimed, and was very non-plussed by our questioning about his nocturnal habits. "We have got one or two mouse traps in the garage, but no, I do not go out on so-called 'night flights' hunting small mammals, and if you are going to call at this time I would rather talk about football," he added, just before we hung up.
Good luck Roy! Ranter thinks you'll need all of it, but at least with most of the ego squeezed out of this England side, you have a chance. But oh dear, John Terry. WHY UNCLE ROY, WHY? I knew there was another question we had to ask him...

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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I love to say it. I told you so.

While most of England's media is enjoying the humilation, World Cup Ranter is not happy that the England side is out of this year's tournament. But I think that just as I did on June 11, the night before our first game, we all needed to calm down a bit.

The World Cup Squad we took would have been much more effective with an inform David Beckham and Theo Walcott - we were rarely effective on either flank (or anywhere else) with penetration that Walcott may have given us, or crosses which is one of the few parts of Beckham's game to justify his inclusion.

A fit and in form Rio Ferdinand would probably have stopped two of Germany's goals, though not have scored at the other end. I think we, like Manchester United, have missed the workrate that Owen Hargreaves gave us.

There are probably one or two other players who Capello might have picked ahead of those he took, if injuries weren't an issue (though I can't think of many more that would have made the games played). But World Cup Ranter put this tournament's disastrous performances down to no one but Fabio Capello, the manager that finessed us to the World Cup finals and then pissed our chances down the drain from the moment we qualified.

Here's WCR's guide to where the man who has managed more successful sides than I have blog posts, fucked well and truly up. Many are on the original assessment I made of the squad on the eve of the first game (unlike most of the English media), and a few were only able to be determined from the reports of our time in South Africa.

1) Gareth Barry - looked out of game practice and unfit. While our midfield was pretty terrible across the board, I still don't understand why Capello took Barry, and if he was going to take him, why he didn't he know who would already be his understudy. Carrick? Well, if it has to be him, play him in that position for the four games Barry was injured for rather than prat about during the tournament.

2) Not sticking to his self declared rules. "No one unfit and no one out of form" was bullshit. It might have got him respect during the qualifiers because the decisions were easy ones. But just like Steve McClaren before him, Capello sucked up to the players' egos and they repaid him with immaturity and lack of focus. While I agree for the captain you can bend the rules, so Rio is forgiven, and out of form Lampard and Gerrard are still pretty hard to set aside, but Barry (who was both unfit and out of form), Sean Wright Phillps (unpicked by Mancini), Carrick (out of form), Ledley King (permanently crippled who got the sympathy vote from commentators who should have known better for a tournament of 7 games in a month), Defoe (out of form), Joe Cole (out of form and unpicked) are those I can think of, and I bet there were one or two more.

3) The prisoner of war camp atmosphere at the Croydon-style accommodation was encouraged by Capello and the FA. Here is a man who was told it was the players' egos that had been at fault for the previous two managers' lack of success. Sven is a star fucker while Stevie was easily ignored by players who knew they deserved better and could have had better if the FA hadn't messed up signing that Brazillian who made a mess at Chelsea. Capello was the third way, a better record than Sven and no desire to mix it with the pretty wives and girlfriends of his youthful players. Obviously he was just better than Stevie Mac, in every possible way and we shouldn't forget that. But he was a miserable bastard that didn't stick to his own ever so stricked rules, let the players stew in their own lack of success, and thoroghly misjudged the difference of a five-day stay and a European qualifier and a trip a quarter of the way around the world in deserted luxury hide outs in Austria and South Africa for the best part of five weeks (including the warm ups and longer if we had gone further).

4) The reason we kept on losing is because once you see someone fail so badly at these fucking basics, and then watch him fiddle while Rome burned during seven halfs of football, the players knew that once again the FA had picked the wrong manager for England.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

WHERE HAVE ALL THE SONGS GONE?

Can't understand why the brilliant songs thought up by club fans never get transferred or adapted to England players so they can be sung at England games

Here's a facebook group. It won't make any difference.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=130625013626489

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

ELANO AND ROBINHO "JUST ABOUT GOOD ENOUGH TO WIN WORLD CUP" AFTER TAKING COMMIE SCALP

But not good enough to get in the Man City team. Make of that what you will.

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Sunday, June 13, 2010

New World Cup Ranter store

All you could possibly need for the next four weeks. And then some.


CLICK HERE TO TRANSPORT ME TO THIS RETAIL WORLD CUP WONDERLAND

thanks.

"The players I choose will be fit and will have played a lot of games" - Fabio Capello, December 2009, Five Live

Rio wasn't fit. King wasn't fit. Barry wasn't fit. England look short in defence without a partnership that understands each other in the centre. King was a risk, Carragher a bizarre choice, Rio poor luck. There's still plenty of time to pull this back, but it is starting to look like a shower of shite.

CAPELLO'S TACTIC TO NAME TEAM LATE BLAMED FOR ENGLAND DRAW

Green was only told he was in goal at half time.

USA SHOCKED BY LATEST SPILLAGE

Green vows "Oil be back", but no one believes him.